I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
