shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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