If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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