Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
