Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
