i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
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Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
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i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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