ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
