It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
