Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Even my vagina gasped.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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