Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
false alarm. still invincible.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
