i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
