I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
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