oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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