Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
