By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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