the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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