Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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