those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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