Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
