are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't put those talents on a resume
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
