And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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