Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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