My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
