I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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