You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If I die, sorry about rent.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
