If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
3 2 1 whiskey
I smell like Dick and happiness
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
