do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
