Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
