he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
