I think i sorta joined a cult last night
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
