My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
