maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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