He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
