my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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