help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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