You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
