we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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