yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
