My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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