And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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