If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
