i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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