Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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