i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
