I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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