Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

it hurts more in the daytime

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(604): View more from British Columbia

i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.

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(562): View more from California

cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi

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(847): View more from Illinois

This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.

(704): View more from North Carolina

How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?

(301): View more from Maryland

Salt in an open wound right now.

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(636): View more from Missouri

i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"

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(561): View more from Florida

I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.

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