I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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