this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
