i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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