how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
