Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
