After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
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She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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