I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
