So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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