Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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