it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
