i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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