things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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