When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
