I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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