the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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