why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
