So drunk, too bad you don't want this
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
