Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
