well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
