She is in my trunk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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