She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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