when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
