Everything about him screamed your future.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
