Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Your penis caused this!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize